After the insomnia adventures that we had in Barcelona, we decided that sleep was desperately needed. Almost to the point that we were hallucinating.

We hopped a train to Valencia in hopes of possibly meeting some UVA kids or else just sitting on the beach and falling into unconsciousness. Naturally I think I slept most of the way there; however, due to the crazy night prior, I had not taken out my contacts. I have very sensitive eyes not to sound like a bitch. But my bloodshot right eye would not stop watering, therefore, I could not stop sniffling, consequently, it looked like I was crying in my sleep the entire ride like I had just seen The Notebook for the first time. (Ryan’s Interjection, he is a bitch or I’m an idiot, as I have yet to take out my contacts on this trip.)

We check in to our hostel and immediately decide its nap time. This is circa 3 pm.

7 pm. We wake up and agree to eat dinner. We know its very early for dinner in Spain but eff it, we were hungry.

8 pm. We finish dinner and go back to sleep.

11 pm. We wake up. Decide to watch some American TV.

12 am. Back to sleep.

10 am. Wake up.

In total we slept about 18 hours that day, the most I have ever slept in a 24 hour period. My circadian clocks are completely out of sync right now.

Valencia Beach

We go to the beach all day and just relax. Valencia has some nice beaches. And by nice beaches I mean tatas everywhere. Also the sand was so small and soft that the entire playa (Spanish for beach for you ar-tards that didn’t take Spanish) felt like those mattresses made from NASA space foam. It was a calm, peaceful day.

We meet some girls at the hostel and head out with them that night. We wander around looking for some good bars to start with and eventually to head to the infamous Spanish nightclubs.

A) These girls are not very attractive. We had no options at our fugly hostel.
2) They are not very fun.
III) We could not find a very sweet club to go to where I could pretend to be interested in these girls only to use them as bait to entice other, better looking females to talk to me.

Night 2 ends in disappointment. Can’t all be winners (these girls weren’t).

Day 3. Go to the beach again. What can I say? Valencia doesn’t really have much to see and I could care less about a big statue of Christopher Columbus. Typical beach day, nothing exciting.

We switched hostels that day because of a booking conflict and did not look back. The new hotel was HUGE. Something like 75 beds. Naturally I pass out upon check in and Ryan runs down and fiddles on the internet for several hours. He befriends a cute girl traveling alone (like a lion selecting the weak gazelles). We three go out to dinner, where I barter a street vendor for Nikki (her name) to purchase a sunshine flower and come back to start pregaming. We head to the enormous kitchen where there are about 30 people already slamming beers and bottles of wine. Giddy up.

Hostel Drunk Group Shot

We meet some guys from Tennessee studying in Madrid and Ryan pulls a perfect match. This guy looks EXACTLY like Wolf from the new American Gladiators. A clone, about 4 years behind the original. Per usual we head out with a group of about 15 people to a bar I discovered the previous night where I bought 5 tequila shots (Jose Cuervo double shots), expecting to lose about 50 euro, and ended up being only 3 euro a shot. Cheapest shot we have encountered besides Chupitos.

I decide to play Alpha male and lead the group in. I order 15 shots of tequila. I turn around. Somehow half the group has disappeared.

Sidenote: The next day we see the guys we lost and ask what happened. They say that one kid said to follow him to this place which sounded awesome. It turned out to be an ice cream shop. They tried to come back to the bar but we were gone.

So it is about 8 people now, 4 guys 4 girls. Naturally people have to double up on double shots to make these things go away. One girl has that crazy look in her eyes and slams them both back no problem. I can see where she is headed–Gutter Ball city. No less that 10 minutes later she is a wreck and has to be taken home by the guy she is clinging to.

“You, me, bar, beers – buzzed. Wings, shots – drunk. Waitresses – hot. Football – Cornell/Hofstra – slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we hit the tizown.” (Thanks to Ben II, Hoelsch for the quote)

Well we end up at a disco dancing like crazy. I end up checking a girl for cavities while Ryan, Nikki, and Sunshine (our baby flower’s name) watch. Ryan is still entertaining hopes of hooking up with Nikki. I realized earlier in the night that this was not her steeze and moved on. (Ryan’s Interjection, good body, dark hair, I never thought I had a thing until now.)

Everyone leaves.

Except for me and Girl-Who’s-Name-I-Don’t-Know-But-Isn’t-Stupid-Enough-To-Ask-Me. We end up leaving the club at around 5:30 am and realize that neither of us have a map nor any idea where we are. Still playing Alpha male, I lead us home somehow. Additional info: For the first two days in this city I did not wear contacts and Ryan was my seeing eye dog; therefore, on this night when I finally could see, I had absolutely NO idea where I was nor could I recognize ANYTHING.

Somehow we made it back and for some reason or another I decide that I don’t really want to hook up with this girl. I think I pictured Ryan shaming me for my decisions, even though this girl wasn’t that bad (concurrence from Ryan the next day).

Pass out. Wake up thinking that we are going to catch an early train. Drunkenly pack and stumble to the train station. Trains to Madrid: Sold Out. Hey, we have a Eurail Pass. We can just get on a train. We have done it before. Ahhh but Spain. I don’t know whether it is cause of the train bombing several years ago but they actually have a security line similar to an airport to board trains. We pass security but they ask for our ticket. Access Denied.

We make the only reservations available for the 9pm train and head back to the hostel where we just sloth around with Nikki and watch an undeleted-scene version of Dumb and Dumber (which I have never seen and highly suggest it).

Get on a train. Pass out. Next stop: Madrid.

Subscribe to Our RSS Feed